The Things I Do For Money

This is part of an actual email I sent for work:

"If you don't carry the Pipe Dreams 'Fatty Patty' could you please recommend another midget blow up doll that's around the same price?"

I can honestly say I never thought those were words I'd string together.

Phone Etiquette

Since I do sex toy parties for a living, I have to call people all the time to set dates, follow up on orders, etc.

I make these calls as a group. If I don't reach someone, I leave a discrete message and dial the next person on my list. Sometimes I go straight from my work calls to calls I need to make for the animal rescue I volunteer for, or during the presidential election, calls for the campaign I was supporting.

Invariably, someone will call me back and demand, "Who is this?" without identifying themselves. If I ask, who they are, they ALWAYS say, "You should know, you called me."

Not really. While I did call you at some point, you're now calling me, and because you're a total dumbass and didn't listen to the message I left (hm, what do you think the voicemail option on your phone is for?) you're now calling someone whose name you don't know, for a reason you don't know. Not exactly a productive use of time and I shudder to think what Miss Manners would have to say.

Of course, I can't say that. Instead, I explain that I make a lot of phone calls to know why I was calling you particularly, I need to know who you are. (Can you imagine the political fallout if I mistakenly told a registered voter I was calling about the "dildo party"?)

Usually, that explanation is enough to jog the caller into the world of common courtesy and to actually IDENTIFY themselves. Every now and then, however, a person will refuse to tell me unless I tell them who I am. In those cases, I give my first name and when that produces the expected "huh?", I tell them I need to know who I'm talking to so I can figure out why I initially called them. (All the while, biting my tongue so I don't say, "LISTEN TO THE MESSAGE I LEFT YOU, YOU MORON!!!")

This week, however, I got a total psycho. Even after I told her my name, she refused to say who she was. Finally, I hung up.

But then she called again, and again. My phone was turned off while I was at yoga and a meeting and in that interval, she left 3 messages, all demanding to know who I was, but never giving me her name. I finally matched her number to one of my lists and she was a customer. And she booked a party. Yikes!

Matilda Hat

I made this hat for my business partner for her birthday. She'd seen a picture of it on my blog a few months ago and admired it -- even mentioned preferred colors. I can take a hint.

I couldn't figure out a way to get her head measurements discretely, so I had to guess on the size. Luckily, I was right.

The pattern's available on MK Carroll's blog.

I used the recommended yarn, Peace Fleece, for the hat. It felt coarse while knitting but, as several people on Ravelry noted, it washes up to be quite soft. For the flowers, I used a bit of Lamb's Pride Strawberry Smoothie left over from a purse I made her for Christmas. The variegated yarn gave an illusion of depth to the flowers and ties the look together if she happens to wear the hat while carrying the purse.

Modeling credit: Half-empty bottle of garlic and basil olive oil bought at the farmer's market. Yum!

Christmas Presents

My business partner loves stripes. Can you tell by the back of our business cards?

For Christmas, I knitted her a striped purse using the colors of our company. The pattern is similar to the one used for Mah Jongg bag, with just minor changes to the handles and the button.

I'll post more Christmas presents in the next couple of days. I was in such a rush to get my Dad's mittens out by UPS, I forgot to take a picture. He's promised to send me one, but he tends to be a bit slow. I stayed up till 4AM on Christmas Eve to finish Rob's sweater, but still haven't succeeded in snapping a decent picture. Hopefully tomorrow.