Food Found on My Block

Canned potatoes freak me out. Who's too lazy to cook regular old potatoes? But when a can of potatoes magically appears on the sidewalk in front of my apartment, than I'm really spooked.

I find random food on my street all the time and I never know what I should do about it. Last week, it was a bag of hamburger buns and an unopened pack of tortillas. Two weeks ago, there was a pizza dough and a bag of grated mozzarella cheese.

And let's not forget the entire frozen turkey I found last November. Still frozen. Poor little turkey. I dragged it to the corner and gave it to the guy who sells fruit because I didn't want it to go to waste. How do you drop an entire frozen turkey and not notice???

Stop, thief!

I planted my garden back in April. I faithfully watered it, fertilized it with coffee grinds; pulled the weeds.

And I've gotten to eat almost NONE of it because someone keeps stealing all of the tomatoes and the jalapenos.

I'm happy to share, but REALLY? Do you have to take every ripe vegetable? Just went down to pick my dinner and I won't be eating ANY of the meals I planned this week because TEN ripe tomatoes disappeared between yesterday and today. TEN?

That fresh mozzarella I bought? Won't be making a caprese salad.

The bacon? No BLT's for me.

The pasta? Who needs fresh tomato, garlic and basil sauce.

Stop stealing my dinner!!!

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Phone Etiquette

Since I do sex toy parties for a living, I have to call people all the time to set dates, follow up on orders, etc.

I make these calls as a group. If I don't reach someone, I leave a discrete message and dial the next person on my list. Sometimes I go straight from my work calls to calls I need to make for the animal rescue I volunteer for, or during the presidential election, calls for the campaign I was supporting.

Invariably, someone will call me back and demand, "Who is this?" without identifying themselves. If I ask, who they are, they ALWAYS say, "You should know, you called me."

Not really. While I did call you at some point, you're now calling me, and because you're a total dumbass and didn't listen to the message I left (hm, what do you think the voicemail option on your phone is for?) you're now calling someone whose name you don't know, for a reason you don't know. Not exactly a productive use of time and I shudder to think what Miss Manners would have to say.

Of course, I can't say that. Instead, I explain that I make a lot of phone calls to know why I was calling you particularly, I need to know who you are. (Can you imagine the political fallout if I mistakenly told a registered voter I was calling about the "dildo party"?)

Usually, that explanation is enough to jog the caller into the world of common courtesy and to actually IDENTIFY themselves. Every now and then, however, a person will refuse to tell me unless I tell them who I am. In those cases, I give my first name and when that produces the expected "huh?", I tell them I need to know who I'm talking to so I can figure out why I initially called them. (All the while, biting my tongue so I don't say, "LISTEN TO THE MESSAGE I LEFT YOU, YOU MORON!!!")

This week, however, I got a total psycho. Even after I told her my name, she refused to say who she was. Finally, I hung up.

But then she called again, and again. My phone was turned off while I was at yoga and a meeting and in that interval, she left 3 messages, all demanding to know who I was, but never giving me her name. I finally matched her number to one of my lists and she was a customer. And she booked a party. Yikes!

Does My Car Have A Bull's Eye on It?

First the swastika, then someone decided to use my license plate for origami and now this. Is that V for victory?

Fail!

Grammar aside, anyone else see the irony in using a neon sign to advertise hand-painted ones?

Idget's New Favorite Food

Lettuce.

Yep.

Put a few leafy greens in this dog's bowl and he'll suck 'em down faster than filet mignon. He'll dig through the trash to get the rotting ones I found in the bottom of the fridge.

I knew he was from another planet.

Comic-Con Knitting Disaster!

Rob and I spent the last 5 days at Comic-con in San Diego. I brought my knitting for when the booth was slow and because I make toys of his characters to sell. After the show closed yesterday, Rob took a load of things to the car, but forgot his keys. He left my knitting bag by the car (yes, NOT smart) and when he came back, my bag was STOLEN. It had my needle roll in it with ALL of my needles, a scarf I made for my sister in law, at least a dozen balls of yarn and a pair of scissors I’ve had since kindergarten – 3 decades ago. I should probably add that I made the knitting roll myself and the scarf was a new design I had hoped to sell the pattern for.

We drove around the parking lot for a while, hoping whoever took it ditched it when they realized there were no comics in it. No such luck.

And so far, no one has turned it in to the parking garage, the convention center or the hotel connected with the convention center, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.

The Nazi Wagon

Yup. That's a swatstika.

Keyed into the roof of my car.

We think one of the neighborhood kids is calling us Nazis because I gave him a hard time for peeing in his front yard. You know, because walking 15 feet to the toilet is way too difficult.

Are effigies back in fashion?

This is hanging off a telephone pole about a block from my apartment.

Charming, isn't it?

I'd like some crackers to go with the cheese

I was just walking the dog and had the following coversation:

Guy: Your dog is beautiful.
Me: Thank you.
Guy: Just like his owner.
Me: Thank you.
Guy: Are you from Tennessee?
Me: No.
Guy: Well, you're the only ten I see.
Me: I'm married, okay?

Really, really, really never ever thought anyone ever used that line in real life. How often does he get anywhere with it?

A New Home for Penatpus

May 29, 2015
The book my husband created this character for has finally been published.  Check it out here! 

Since MagKnits has gone offline, I have decided to reprint my Pentapus pattern here. Enjoy!

My husband created Pentapus for a children’s comic he has been working on. I thought this cute little guy would make a great toy, so I challenged myself to find a way to knit him even though I was still fairly new to knitting.

Each leg of the toy is knit from the bottom up. The stockiness of the legs, combined with the way they are joined together, enables the toy to stand on its own. The recommended yarn results in a super soft toy whose stitches are evident, but I have also used “furry” yarns to create cuddly Pentapi whose stitches are not apparent.

The toy is worked in the round to minimize finishing. Instead of being knitted as a separate, detachable “accessory,” the hat is attached directly to the body and is used to close off the toy. These features make this adorable, cuddly critter a quick knit that can be whipped up in a single afternoon. The minimal yarn requirements also mean this endearing fellow is a great stash reducer.

Materials neededCrystal Palace Merino Frappe [80% Merino Wool, 20%Polyamide; 140yd/128m per 50g skein]
[MC] #065 Cinnamon Toast; 1 skein[CC] # 020B New Sage; 1 skein

Note: Each skein of Crystal Palace Merino Frappe will make either 3 Pentapus bodies and 2 hats OR 2 Pentapus bodies and 3 hats, so 2 skeins will make 5 complete Pentapi.

2 set(s) US #7/4.5 mm double-point needles
Tapestry needle
5 Stitch holders or safety pins
Polyester fiberfill for stuffing
Yarn substitutes
GGH Bel Air [90% Merino Wool, 10%Polyamide; 142yd/80m per 50g skein]
GGH Esprit [100%Polyamide; 87yd/80m per 50g skein]

SizesOne size fits children of all ages. : )

Gauge
20 sts/24 rows = 10cm (4 inches) in stockinette stitch

Special Stitch Instructions: Duplicate Stitch Embroidery
Thread a tapestry needle with desired embroidery thread. Bring the tip of the needle from the WS of work to the RS at the base of the first stitch to be worked. “Trace” this stitch by bringing the needle through both loops of the stitch above it and reinserting it at the base of the stitch being traced.

Legs – Make 5
Using MC, cast 6 sts onto a DPN using long tail cast on. Distribute over 3 needles so that once you are working in the round, you have 2 sts on each needle. Join to work in the round, being careful not to twist.
Round 1: Knit, knitting in tail from cast on.
Round 2: Kfb every stitch. You will now have a total of 12 sts, 4 on each needle.
Cont in St st until work measures 2.75 inches. This will create a tube about the length of your index finger and it should fit your finger like the finger of a glove.
Place the next 8 sts on a safety pin or stitch holder. Leave the last 4 sts on the DPN. This DPN will become a holder for all subsequent legs. Break yarn, leaving a 3 inch tail.
As you finish each subsequent leg, transfer the next 8 sts to a safety pin or stitch holder. Place the last 4 sts on the same DPN that is holding the last 4 sts of each previous leg. Break yarn, leaving a 3 inch tail. Be sure that the open tops of each leg are all on the same side of the DPN.

Joining Inner Portion of Legs
Take the DPN that holds all 5 legs in your left hand. The open tops of the legs should face away from you. Using MC, attach the legs to each other as follows: k3tog, k3tog, k3tog, k2tog, k3tog, k3tog, k3tog. 7 sts rem.

Distribute these 7 sts over 3 DPNs Join to work in the round being careful not to twist. Work as follows: k2tog, k2tog, k3tog. 3 sts rem.

Place the 3 rem sts on a single DPN. K3tog. Break yarn. Pass end of yarn through remaining stitch and pull loop closed.

Joining Outer Portion of Legs and Forming the Body
Distribute the 40 sts that have been on stitch holders or safety pins over 3 DPNs.
Round 1: Using MC, knit each stitch, except where one leg ends and another begins. In these 5 places, k2tog with one stitch coming from each leg. 35 sts rem. Legs are now joined for working in the round to form the body.

Cont in St st until work measures 2 .25 inches from where legs were joined together. Break yarn, leaving a 4 inch tail. When attaching the hat to the body, knit this tail in. These few sts of MC will serve as a guide for embroidering the band of the hat.

With work still on the needles, flip work over so the bottom is facing up. Using the tails left from making each individual leg and a tapestry needle, stitch closed the gaps that resulted when legs were joined. When each gap has been closed, draw the end of the yarn inside the toy and knot off. There is no need to weave in ends as toy will be stuffed and ends hidden inside.

With CC, embroider the face as desired. The top of the eyes should be at least 4 stitches from the needle so they will not be covered by the brim of the hat.

Making and Attaching the Hat
Using CC, cast on 68 sts onto second set of DPNs. Join to begin working in the round, being careful not to twist.

Round 1: K, p entire round.
Round 2: [k, p, k2tog, p, k, p2tog] to last 4 sts. K, p, k2tog. 51 sts rem.
Round 3: [k, p2tog] to last 3 sts. K, p, k. 35 sts rem.

Place the DPNs holding the brim of the hat on top of the DPNs holding the body of the Pentapus, as if putting a hat on the toy’s head. Align the DPNs so that the next stitch to be worked on the body is next to the next stitch to be worked on the hat. Insert a DPN through next stitch to be worked on the body and next stitch to be worked on the hat. Knit these 2 stitches together using CC and the tail of MC attached to the body. Continue in this manner until hat has been joined to the body.

With CC, work in St st until hat measures 1 .25 inches from the point it was joined to the body.

Insert a DPN through the next stitch on the needle and through the purl of the stitch that is 2 sts below this stitch. Knit together the stitch on the needle and the purl of the stitch 2 sts. (You may need to use the tip of a tapestry needle to lift the purl over the working yarn when knitting it together with the stitch on the needle.) Continue in this manner for one full row. This creates a ridge at the top of the hat and changes the direction of the work so that the top of the hat lies flat.

Leave work on the needles – you will continue knitting to close the hat once you have embroidered the band onto the hat and stuffed the toy.

Use duplicate stitch embroidery to make the band of the hat. Knitting in the tail of the body when joining the hat to the body results in a good road map for embroidering the first few sts of the band.

Thread a tapestry needle with a double length of MC. Bring the tip of the needle from inside the toy to outside the toy, at the base of the first stitch joining the hat to the body. “Trace” this stitch by bringing the needle through both loops of the stitch above it and reinserting it at the base of the stitch being traced. Repeat on the adjacent stitch in the row, continuing until you have made a band that fully encircles the hat. Knot off ends.

Stuff toy with fiber fill. Be sure to stuff legs firmly so toy will stand on its own.

Closing the Hat
Round 1: Knit
Round 2: [K, k2tog] to last 2 sts. K, k. 24 sts rem.
Round 3: Knit
Round 4: K2tog entire round. 12 sts rem.
Round 5: Knit
Round 6: K3tog entire round. 4 sts rem.
Transfer all 4 sts to a single DPN. K4tog.

Break yarn and thread tail through loop of single remaining stitch. Pull tight. Thread a tapestry needle with tail and weave through a few stitches in top of the hat. Push needle through center of hat, down into body and out the bottom of toy. Knot off. Trim excess yarn.

Does Anyone Know What's Happening at MagKnits?

It's almost March and the January issue is still the live one with no February issue in sight. Any ideas???